A Thousand Words

Donald Miller swoon

2009-07-12T19:10:00.004-04:00

I'm like the girl in love with the quarterback in high school. Let's face it, EVERY girl was in love with the quarterback. He was cute, full of charm, drove a jeep and had nice parents. That's what he seemed like. Because most of the girls crushing on the quarterback have never spoken to him.

In this case, the quarterback is Donald Miller and although seemingly cute and full of charm, what makes him so worthy of affection is his every man, honest and thoughtful writing. We should be friends. I don't go to football games. I give away copies of "Blue Like Jazz" and "Searching for God Knows What" and have him listed on my Facebook page though. I'm smitten. Along with thousands of other 30-something single girls searching for God knows what.

Anyway, he has a new book coming out and you can read the first few unedited chapters here.

Have a look. It may be what you get for Christmas.

It's been a while...

2009-02-07T14:58:00.003-05:00

...so I thought I would post a photo. To tell you, dear internet, that I haven't forgotten you. I've just been busy, with like, humans and stuff. I still love you though.

I wish I were packing for Paris and not Philadelphia right now.

Tags and Such

2009-01-27T23:36:00.002-05:00

I've been tagged like 4 or 12 times lately to do the 25 Random Things post. And even though I did this like 3 times last year and I am certain I have no new revelations about myself, I will play along. Ya know, for my peeps.

I am determined not to overthink it and try to make myself sound all cool or introspective so I honestly, am going to try to spit out 25 things in under 10 minutes. Ready? GO.

1. I don't have cable. I only have a 13" TV in my bedroom.
2. I watch "Friends" on DVD almost every night before I go to bed. I know every line. to every episode. of every season.
3. I like owning books. Especially hard-bound, clean-paper smelling, pretty books. And I generally have like 5 waiting to be read.
4. Everyone who knows me well, knows I am Obsessive Compulsive. I blame OCD for all my eccentricities but, let's face it...that's not true. OCD is, however, the reason for the following 3 things...
5. I constantly form mathematical equations in my head. Like out of license plate numbers, phone numbers, billboards, etc.
6. I simply MUST have my checking account balance an even dollar amount. (ie. $450.00) Bank of America came out with "Keep the Change" a couple of years ago and I switched to them because of it.
7. EVERYTHING has a place. Even junk.
8. I am not the "clean" kind of OCD. If I were, I would sweep more than twice a year.
9. I buy hats and rarely wear them. I have a vintage hat collection from my Great-Grandmother, though, and it is among my most prized possessions.
10. If my dang head weren't so big, or my hair so thick, maybe I could actually WEAR them.
11. I let my hair grow out for almost 2 years to donate to "Locks of Love" and whined that I wanted to cut it for half that time. Now that I have, I miss it terribly. I almost feel as if part of my femininity was chopped off with it. And that makes me MORE glad I did it.
12. It would not be a good thing if I won the lottery. I would waste a small fortune on designer purses and shoes.
13. I'm still 30 grand in debt because I have a fashion degree. (It is probable that one day, I will live in a box.)
14. I am insanely and irrationally obsessed with 100 calorie snacks. I have been known to eat 4 for dinner.
15. If I ever quit my job with AT&T and the photography thing isn't paying the bills, I will beg for a part-time job at Sephora.
16. I cry at everything. Movies, weddings, commercials, you name it.
17. I have a bunch of best friends. And when I say "my best friend" to people, sometimes I have to clarify which one.
18. I get all crazy and obnoxious when I see a movie or video with someplace I've traveled to. Particularly, Eastern Europe. People find it absurd that I've actually been to Minsk, Belarus so I proceed to scream "OOH! OOH! I've been there!"
19. I miss my dog.
20. I have no doubt I would be perfectly content if I lived the rest of my life single. But I hope I don't.
21. I would adopt a dozen orphans from around the world all Brangelina-like, if I had their money.
22. I waited til all the Harry Potter books were out and then I bought and read them all. And I have a girl crush on J.K. Rowling.
23. I have road rage. BAD road rage.
24. My dream job is travel photographer for National Geographic. But then I wake up.
25. I seriously consider, almost weekly, selling everything I own and moving to another country. And I believe, one day I will.

(And that may have been more like 15 minutes, but there you have it. And since I don't know who will actually do this, I tag everyone reading this! Play along! They're fun to read.)

Honduras Images

2009-01-13T04:09:00.004-05:00

I added a small fraction of my Honduras photos to a web album. Check them out here.

Hopefully, you can catch a glimpse of the impact the Micah Project is making in the lives of young men, as well as their community. Wanna get involved? Consider giving here and pray for their work in Tegucigalpa.

What DIDN'T happen to me.

2009-01-08T10:18:00.003-05:00

I have lots of stuff to talk about and I have a massive amount of photos from Christmas and Honduras but before I get busy on that, I have to share THIS. (<< Click there <<)
It's the funniest-glad-it's-not-me story I've ever seen.

Oh, and I have to tell you all really quick what DID happen. I got a poisonous spider bite in Honduras last week!! AHA!!! I had to get to the doctor Monday and am on steroids and antibiotics. My face swelled and my muscles got weird and it was GROSS! It's going away, but I am secretly thrilled that my arachnophobia is FINALLY justified. So THERE!!! I'm saying boldly- "I told you so!!" Spiders are evil!

Passion

2008-12-11T13:25:00.005-05:00

If you are significantly acquainted with me, you know I am passionate about a few things. I love Jesus. I am obsessed with photography. I am captivated by cultures and travel. I am passionate about social justice and mercy.

An opportunity arose, rather suddenly, that combines a lot of these passions into a trip with my church, Riverside, here in St. Louis.

On December 27th, I will be heading to Honduras with a small group to work at the Micah Project. The Micah Project accepts young boys, either living in poverty or on the streets of the capital city, Tegucigalpa, into the shelter of the project. Their goal is to support these young men, who will prayerfully grow to "act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly" with our God. (Micah 6:8)

I will be on a team that will be helping these young men in renovation efforts from devastation caused by Hurricane Mitch in 1998 and to run a Vacation Bible School for local children. I will also have the privilege of photographing our experience in hopes of spreading vision for the work of the Micah Project.

Needless to say, I am so excited to once again be able to GO and serve in whatever way I can. It is thrilling that God provides opportunities that connect so many of my passions. I pray He moves my heart to a place where I can love more.

I need you! What can you do?
Pray!
Please join me in praying for...
- The trip! from December 27th through January 2nd
- The 24 boys currently at the Micah house
- Our work in showing love through renovation
- Loving the local children
- The photographs would tell their story and prompt others to serve
- Financial support for the trip

Give!
If you would like to financially support this trip, you can make tax-deductible donations to Riverside Church via me! Email me at ahardyphoto@gmail.com. (The total cost for our team of 6 is estimated at $6000!) I would love to have you join me in contributing financially. You can also give to the Micah Project via their website.

If you are reading this, chances are, you are a beloved friend or family member. Know that I love you dearly and think of so many of you I am separated from geographically. This is my absolute favorite time of year! I pray with every twinkly light, every straw manger scene, and even every inflatable Santa, you are reminded of the birth of our Savior, Jesus.

"That's what she said"...and other one-liners from the gynecologists office

2008-11-13T22:11:00.002-05:00

Note- If you are a guy, you probably wanna stop reading now.

So I finally sucked it up and went to the Gynecologist today. I think I was under 30 when I went the last time. (if that tells you anything.) I was referred to this chic in South County who was supposedly funny and "hip" so I figured...what the heck. If any woman's gonna be feeling me up, she may as well be witty.

Now see, ladies, this is my issue...It's so strange going to the ob/gyn. They ask you all these questions and sometimes, ask you again, just to make sure you're not leaving out anything juicy. As if I'm gonna say, "Oh wait. I forgot to mention my intravenous drug usage. And well, I've only had sex a FEW times for money."
They really want to know about your sex life. or lack thereof. Sometimes, I feel like I should tell them a fun anecdote or something, just because I don't get to tell them about sex partners.

Abstinent. Done. Move on.

Put me on the scale. Joy. They tell me I've shrunk an inch. I'm now down to 5"4. Shit.

All of this happens even before I get naked. The doctor comes in, just when I am getting reeaaally comfortable in that stirrup chair. They should sell those at IKEA. I'm telling her random stuff about me. "I just moved here. blah blah. blah. My car got stolen. blah. Those Anne Geddes photos are nice. blah. blah. blah." I am postponing the inevitable here.
But to my surprise, ALAS! A funny doctor! She jokes back. She cusses. She has a nose ring. I start to develop a girl crush on her.

Then. She tells me to get naked. I ask her if she could at least buy me a drink first.

So, of course, girls, you know how it goes. She comes back in and jumps right to it. I happen to look over and notice the contraption on the counter. I'm thinking aloud..."That's not gonna fit." She replies, face between my legs, "You don't trust me?" I say "I've heard THAT before." I feel like I should be in the back seat of a car. in 1992.

I'm always so nervous about what the Dr. is thinking. So I make some comment about not worrying about the curb appeal when I have no house guests. She busts out laughing. (Note to self- Maybe I shouldn't make someone double over as they are shoving a metal rod into my vagina.) Speaking of, why is that metal thing always so. damn. cold??

Oh, the misery. At least, she gets done quickly and heads north for the breast exam. This is what is so weird. It's clinical. But just...in a way...personal. As I always break awkwardness with humor, I start to tell her this is the most action I ever get, and about the same time, she busts out with "So you need to get your ass outta the ghetto!" I didn't know if she was referring to my earlier "curb appeal" comment or what. I must have looked confused and then- I get it. We both die laughing. She's talking about my recent run of theft. She says she has a switch blade in her purse. I like her more.

Come to find out, it wasn't so bad. When your gyny has her face in your loveliness, at least I found one who quotes "that's what she said." I almost want to send her flowers tomorrow.

Something Blue

2008-08-21T18:42:00.002-04:00

Is it bad that I want to get married just so I can wear these shoes?

Mandy (Grad '08!)

2008-05-19T17:03:00.014-04:00

I had an amazing time yesterday photographing Mandy. She is precious! We spent a few hours together finding just the right spots for her senior portraits. I kept joking that Mandy could seriously be on America's Next Top Model! I didn't have to give her any direction. We had a blast!
Congratulations on your graduation Mandy!

Matt and Emily (+ baby!)

2008-05-19T16:43:00.010-04:00

On Saturday, I photographed the Lovealls! They are expecting a baby boy sometime (hopefully) in the next few weeks. They are an adorable couple and Emily is beautiful and stunning at almost 9 months pregnant!

Here are a few photos from our time at Queeny Park.

Matt has skills.

Congratulations Matt and Emily! I can't wait to meet Andrew!

I AM Bridget Jones

2008-04-20T21:52:00.002-04:00

I jokingly wrote in my diary a while back..."It all began on New Years Day in my 32nd year of being single..."
Those are the opening lines of one of my very favorite movies- "Bridget Jones' Diary"

I love it. I have it memorized. And I quote the lines quite frequently. They seem to fit me.

ie. "Have been seduced by informality of messaging medium into flirting with office scoundrel! Will make resolution to find nice, sensible man. Must put a stop to flirting. First thing tomorrow."

Um. No comment.

Example 2- I used to tell my friend, Eric, when we were smoking cigarettes..."I find them very useful. I take great comfort in the fact that they may kill before things actually get worse." (My favorite line of the movie.)

So anyway, I know there are quite a few similarities between myself and Ms. Jones, but today, it hit me. I AM Bridget Jones.

How did I know? Because I was standing in line at the grocery store and had sort of an out-of-body experience. I noticed this 30-something chic, big, dark sunglasses, jeans and hair in chaos. It's me. And what was I buying? Headache medicine, razors, orange juice and vodka.

Which just begs the question...If I am Bridget Jones, where the hell is Mark Darcy?

MOBOT

2008-03-26T20:08:00.001-04:00

Now that I live in St. Louis, I'm picking up the lingo. The Missouri Botanical Gardens is affectionately known as MOBOT.
Lyra, the boys, and I went this morning and strolled through. That place just makes you feel all romantic.

The scent of the flowers is heavenly. We saw the most beautiful duck EVER. The weather was perfect. And it was so nice to go on an un-crowded weekday. We had a picnic and even saw a little baby snake.
But I have to admit, one of my favorite parts was the Tower Grove House we hadn't seen before. That place had the most amazing carpet! I seriously am trying to find a similar pattern online. But then again, the Shaw dude who owned the house was like major filthy rich and I could never afford it. Well, maybe I can find a small area rug.
Anyway, check it out above.

(Click on the photo to see larger. Oh, and by the way, in case you wonder, all photos posted on this blog are taken by me. Need a photographer? Call me. I'm a genius. Seriously.)

Better than Zanax

2008-03-26T19:25:00.000-04:00

This is Shea, Jared and Lyra's little sweetness. The Lees are more than best friends.
They are my family. And by far, the best part of my move to St. Louis.

The other day, I dropped by, as I often do, after work and sat down at the table. It had been a long day.
Shea looked at me and said "Man-ee, you bouful."
(Translation- "Mandy, you're beautiful.")

He is the best little man you could have around. He gives me kisses, poses for my endless photos, and even compliments my jewelry. "Man-ee, I lite you netty."
(Translation- "Mandy, I like your necklace.")

This kid is my personal sunshine.

Know Why Chocolate Covered Long-Stemmed Strawberries are Better than Long-Stemmed Roses?

2008-03-25T17:05:00.000-04:00

Because you eat them. Duh.

TAG, etc etc

2008-03-25T14:21:00.003-04:00

I'm off work for 3 days and seriously have NOTHING to do. I am passing the time with online shopping (big mistake) and playing Brick Breaker on my new Blackberry. I did get some very cool stuff though. Including a new Lensbaby for my Nikon and some snazzy new summer dress pants. I have also re-watched 6 seasons of friends over the last month. No, I don't have cable. I refuse!
Oh crap. Am I boring?
I think I'll go to the zoo and watch the penguins. The zoo, like most other things in St. Louis, is free. I am all over that. Damn. I wish I had my lensbaby. I need to take some fun photos. I'm in a rut.

In other news, I'm going to Dallas next week for a Train the Trainer with all my cool trainer peeps from the Central Region. I'm so excited to see my Chicago boy, Draz. In case you didn't read my previous post, I heart him. I will also see my AT&T career mentor, Jenna. She is who I wanna be when I grow up.

With all this online shopping and reruns, I have forsaken my blog. And I was tagged by Tricia almost a week ago.

Tricia is an IFF (Internet Friend Forever.) Funny how the whole blog world is.

Anyway, I think I've done this one before but since my eyes are going crossed from looking at my Blackberry display, I'm playing along.

Four films I’d watch again: (or I'll just say, films I watch over and over.)
1. Bridget Jones' Diary
2. The Saint
3. Elf
4. Wedding Crashers

Four places I’ve lived:
1. St. Louis, MO
2. Charlotte, NC
3. Atlanta, GA
4. Chicago, IL (well, only for a summer. but that counts, right?)

Four TV shows I watch: (I watch DVDs and the internet)
1. Alias
2. Family Guy
3. 24
4. Grey's Anatomy

Four things to eat:
1. Farfalle with chicken and roasted garlic from Cheesecake Factory
2. Chicken Burrito from Chico's in Greenville, NC
3. Outlaw Ribeye from Longhorn
4. Chicken Kiev from Minsk, Belarus

Four places I’d rather be:
1. Laurel Hill, NC with my Mom
2. Paris, France
3. Moscow, Russia (GO! It's amazing!)
4. Atlanta, GA with my Brother

Four people to tag:
1. Everyone I know
2. with a blog
3. has already
4. done this.

OK, seriously, I'm going to hang with the penguins.

I No Longer Want to Drive Off a Cliff

2008-03-08T18:11:00.003-05:00

Since my last post, I got a few emails asking if I was gonna off myself so I figured I should write an updated blog and tell the internet I am not suicidal.

March is flying by. So hmmm...what's going on with me...

* I have been spending a ton of time in Kansas City. KC is cool but I would actually like to spend enough time in the STL to hang pictures on my flippin walls. And unpack some of those lingering boxes.

* I bought a new coat from Lands End! It's super snazzy and I could totally go skiing or at least make some cool snow angels in it. But as irony would have it, while I was in Kansas the other day, it snowed over a foot in St. Louis and I missed it! Bummer.

* I have found that spending time in the hotel is not so bad since I have discovered www.watchtvsitcoms.com. Free movies and tv shows. Suh-weet.

* This past week, I have been hanging out with a trainer I am co-teaching with. He is the coolest guy ever. He is Serbian, speaks 5 languages, lives in Chicago and loves the Bears. He hugs me and we speak Russian in class, all stealth like. If I were the type of girl who says "I heart" things, I would say "I heart him."

* Chocolate pudding guy is married, so for all of you who urged me to hook up with him...not gonna happen.

* In other news, I broke a nail yesterday.

And that is the extent of what is going on with me.
I love you, dear internet. You're always there for me. You fill my days with Family Guy episodes and cool photographer blogs. I heart you too.

Love

2008-02-15T22:08:00.006-05:00

I'm gonna be honest with you, internet. February has sucked.
And I mean sucked. hard.

In the past 2 weeks, I have packed my life, given away my beloved dog, left my work comfort zone, moved away from the south and my family, into a brownstone in a mid-west city.

Alone.

Before I moved here, I joked that when I told people I was moving to Missouri, they inevitably asked..."Why? Do you know someone there?"

My answer was, of course, yes I do. But not that's not why I'm moving. Seriously, I don't know why I moved. I couldn't tell you.

But I know whatever the motive, it has been a hard move. I have cried almost my entire time here. And I realized something last week...gripping and hurtful.

I don't accept love. I try to earn it. And I don't know how to love others.

And it feels like my insides are being ripped out. Honestly.

For almost 2 years, I have been trying to make someone love me who doesn't value me enough to meet me in person.

And it's not just him.

Before him, it was him.

And before him, it was him.

And before him, it was them.

And in the middle of all the hims and them, there is God.

I've been trying to make Him love me too. But I honestly don't believe He does either.

Not any more than the hims or them.

I am tired. Tired and overwhelmed with it all. So I am giving up.

There is something broken in me. Least of all, my heart. It needs to be fixed.

But I don't know where to start.

I guess I start here.

A couple of days ago, I was at work chatting on instant messenger with a co-worker guy I've never talked to. He sent me a message asking about my "boycotting Valentine's Day" icon and we joked about the holiday. He said his day was great due to easy mac and a chocolate snack pack for lunch. I laughed and told him there aren't many things in life that can't be fixed by chocolate pudding.

When I arrived at my desk yesterday, I found a Valentine's card and a chocolate snack pack he had "delivered" from Chicago.

Amazingly sweet. from someone I don't even know.

I left work and went to the Lee's for dinner, which has become routine. I walked in and noticed the most beautiful flowers on the table. Sterling silver roses. My favorite. I thought they were Lyra's.

They were mine.

Amazingly sweet. from people who know me. but love me anyway.

At least, they say they do. And right now, I am choosing to believe them.

Dear Refuge of My Weary Soul

2008-02-12T22:32:00.003-05:00

Dear refuge of my weary soul,
On Thee, when sorrows rise
On Thee, when waves of trouble roll,
My fainting hope relies
To Thee I tell each rising grief,
For Thou alone canst heal
Thy Word can bring a sweet relief,
For every pain I feel

But oh, When gloomy doubts prevail,
I fear to call Thee mine
The springs of comfort seem to fail,
And all my hopes decline
Yet gracious God, where shall I flee?
Thou art my only trust
And still my soul would cleave to Thee
Though prostrate in the dust

Hast Thou not bid me seek Thy face,
And shall I seek in vain?
And can the ear of sovereign grace,
Be deaf when I complain?
No still the ear of sovereign grace,
Attends the mourner's prayer
Oh may I ever find access,
To breathe my sorrows there

Thy mercy seat is open still,
Here let my soul retreat
With humble hope attend Thy will,
And wait beneath Thy feet,
Thy mercy seat is open still,
Here let my soul retreat
With humble hope attend Thy will,
And wait beneath Thy feet

Anne Steele (1716-1778)

St. Louis Move: Cancelled...

2008-01-25T17:19:00.000-05:00

So in case you didn't get the email...my plans have changed.

I am no longer moving to St. Louis.

I've decided to move to Houston.

And as soon as I get there, I am setting my house on fire.

I was born in September.

Thankfully, I'm At Work...

2008-01-24T10:16:00.000-05:00

So I have time to blog.

I was tagged twice in a day. That's a record. Honestly, I didn't think my readership was that high. Nikki and VeryBadCat always keep me entertained. Check them out.

If you're new to this blog thing, peeps, It's like the internet playground. All fun and games for grown-ups but instead of jumping off swings, we say things to seem all smart and ultra-cool. Of which, I admit, I play along. And, just like the playground, when someone tags you, you're it...and you repeat the meme on your own blog. Click on the word for the Wikipedia link.
(See what I did right there? Mention Wikipedia? And that's how you look smart AND super-cool.)

Anyway, this particular blog is supposed to be six random/quirky things about you, but since everything in my life seems so serious and BIG right now, I may join Nikki in the deep end of the pool. Oh and since I was tagged twice, I guess I'll write 12.

1. My Brother, Mitch, is the love of my life. He's 35 and lives in Atlanta. He is genuinely the sweetest, most tender-hearted guy I know. Even though we liked to have killed each other growing up, we joke now about living together because we never get tired of each other.

2. The guy I loved, and thought I would marry, married someone else almost a year ago to the day.

3. Tomorrow, I am giving my dog, Sadie, to a family who is adopting her. I have cried more over this than over #2.

4. I am prone to crying. Music, movies, books, even commercials occasionally. This is why I avoid going to epic or dramatic movies with people I don't know well. What am I talking about? I cried at Juno. Pathetic.

5. I bet people think I say funny or smart-ass stuff to get attention. And the thing is...I try NOT to say funny and smart-ass stuff all the time so people will think I'm not an attention seeker. But it's really not about the attention. I just think stuff is funny. And I laugh at it in my head. And I share what's in my head.

6. I have this thing, with my Mom, that started when I was in college...When we're saying goodbye, she says "I love you" and I say "I love you more" and she says "I love you the mostest." We've repeated that an average of twice a day for 15 years and I'm not tired of it yet.

7. My OCD is fun. It makes me eat tic-tacs in even numbers and separate my M&M's by color. Also, I must MUST have the volume or any numbered control on a 5. (ex. 25, 30, 55, etc)

8. Previous roommates have referred to me as the "Queen of Immodesty." If you ever live with me, you'd learn. I just like being naked.

9. I met a guy over the phone almost 2 years ago through work. His name is Brent, but I call him "Illinois." I have never met him in person and probably never will, but I communicate with him so much, it tricks me into thinking we are closer than we actually are. The truth is, I want to meet and he doesn't. That bothers me.Who wouldn't want to meet me?!
.
10. Speaking of, overall, I communicate with more men than women. Professionally and personally. This has been the case since college and I don't know why. I think it's partly because my girl friends all got married and had kids and don't mingle as much with single girls. The guys got hitched and got kids too but oddly, they are somewhat more loyal to me.

11. My greatest fear is growing old alone and my life turning out to be insignificant. But I am not afraid to die. And actually, if I died anytime soon, I would want to be buried in my favorite boot cut jeans, my turquoise and silver t-strap high heels and this sexy halter top I have. Also, let me go meet Jesus in my favorite earrings.

12. I don't know where I got my self-image, but I honestly, in my heart, believe I'm beautiful.

'Cause We All Just Wanna Be Big Rockstars...

2008-01-23T09:28:00.000-05:00

If I had a Rock Band, the name would be

NORWEGIAN SHIPBUILDING REGISTER

My platinum, Grammy-winning debut album would be titled

MAY NOT BE DISMAYED

and my super-cool album cover would look something like this

(but taken by me, of course)

* This is actually a blog meme I stole from Nikki, who stole it from Megan.
Plus, I stole the title of the post from Nickelback.
Go check out Megan's blog for fun instructions on channeling your own inner Rockstar!

But then a couple of hours later...

2008-01-17T11:23:00.000-05:00

She braved it again. There was at least 2 inches!

Happy Happy Joy Joy...

2008-01-17T00:13:00.000-05:00

Oh what a glorious day.

You wake up and ya think to yourself..."Self, this is probably just gonna be a typical day." Pssh. Yeah. Right.

Well, I tell you, internet, here is what happened.
First, I was at work. I didn't have class today so I went into work when I finally got bored with working at home and really just wanted to actually speak to humans. (ok, sorta.)
Since I only have a couple more weeks in Charlotte, I have been steadily cleaning out my desk. I was mostly done but today, decided to clean out my file folders.
Now mind you, internet, I am 90% organized all the time. It's my thing.

But in my obsessive search to find order sometimes, I place things in files and forget them. They are in their place and therefore dead to me. Well, anyway, I was going through a folder marked "personal" and noticed 2 unopened envelopes from my old mortgage company. Hmm. Another statement I suppose. Oh no. I rip it open and what is there? you ask.

2 checks. Totaling a little over 1600 bucks.

Oh yes! I had $1600 worth of checks sitting in a file folder since last August.

What the hell?!

Turns out I overpaid my escrow. So I guess I should start opening my mail.

Praise Jesus. I'm thinking one word. iMac.

So after I had a mini-stroke, I got home tonight and anticipated my luck changing. They've been predicting snow. Yeah right. If you know nothing else about me, dear computer, you know I love me some snow. Life cannot be this good.

But sure enough, right around 11, it started snowing.

.THIS IS THE BEST FREAKIN' DAY EVER.

Sadie licked the big snowflakes for about 30 seconds and then was like..."um. screw this. I'm freezing my tail off. "

Just 'Cause I Feel Like It

2008-01-14T12:32:00.001-05:00

My girls, Nikki and Cat, are doing the tagging thing on their blogs. No one tagged me but since I have nothing else to write about and I have neglected my own blog for reading others', I figured I'd play along.

So you write 7 random facts and tag others blah blah blah. I'm ignoring the rules and selfishly focusing on the stuff about me.

Anyway-

1. I love my dog Sadie more than about anything. I have to find her a new home because I'm moving and travel quite a bit for my job. I have seriously considered quitting my job to keep her. I also consider paying someone monthly to keep her for about a year until I get a new, non-traveling job.

2. Even though people tell me different, deep down, I don't believe I am good enough to be a professional photographer. This terrifies me really because without photography, I can't thing of anything else I'm talented at or that I love as much. And if I don't have the hope of doing it full-time, what else will I look forward to doing?

3. If I had a dollar for every time someone in my family has said "You'd be so pretty if you lost weight." or someone I meet asked "Are those your real fingernails?", I would be freakin' loaded and wouldn't have to think about making a living off photography or anything else.

4. I went out with a guy I met on myspace last year. He sent me a really sweet message so I naively wrote him back. We emailed and talked for a while and when I was confident he wouldn't kill me with a hacksaw, I agreed to meet him. The first hour was nice. Fast forward a couple of hours and he turned into a freak. I swear I will never go out with anyone I meet online again. (Unless Matt Wertz writes me.)

5. I could and would love to live in Russia.

6. I have for years, had a secret fantasy of being a spy for the CIA. I honestly believe I would make a good spy because officials never suspect me of anything and often, strangers end up telling me everything.

7. I'm a closet conformist. I buy funky accessories and shoes that I totally love but I end up never wearing because my friends are generally more "conservative" and I don't wanna look "out there."

Waiting

2007-12-21T18:04:00.000-05:00

It's 4 days til Christmas. 4 days.

I'm so excited. I LOVE Christmas. And since it's only a few days until Christmas, I thought I'd post a few Thanksgiving photos!
Yeah, so I'm a little behind.

Anyway, this is what I'm looking forward to.

And this.

And especially this.

Winter

2007-12-07T23:44:00.000-05:00

There are many things that make me happy in life. I realized today that many of those things occur during winter time. Yes, everyone who knows me knows I LOVE snow. It's one of my favorite things. But there's so much more.
This week, I was surrounded by stuff that made me happy. Sublimely happy. Like giddy happy.
Here are a few.

Hot Chocolate
Soft SOFT fleece pajama pants
Sales, like 65% off jewelry
Boots
Long Sleeves
Being cold
Sleeping with my dog
Down comforters
Bare trees
Christmas lights
The smell of pine
Whipped Cream
Wrapping presents
Dark outside at 5pm
Childrens choirs
Hair cuts
Velvet

It really is "the most wonderful time of the year..."

The Kingdom

2007-11-04T19:01:00.000-05:00

I have a new favorite movie.

The Kingdom

The movie stars Jennifer Garner and Jamie Foxx, and also has a cameo by my main man, Tim McGraw. The story centers around Federal investigators trying to bring down a terrorist cell while also navigating a political firestorm after an attack on an American compound in The Kingdom of Saudi Arabia. It's a Hollywood take on terrorism, no doubt. But it also paints a true-to-life image of radical Islam. The first 5 minutes of the movie is a look at the history of Saudi Arabia. The last 5 minutes is a deep-breath look at our future. It's definitely worth seeing.

It seems I've been bombarded lately with the reality of "Jihad." According to Wikipedia, "Jihad" comes from Arabic, meaning "to strive."

At the core of all religions, we see people striving to reach God. It breaks my heart that so many in our world are trying to earn their ticket to eternity. It's in the Southern good ol' boy who tries to do the right thing. It's in the corporate girl who tries to buy God's favor by giving to good causes. It's in the tough cop trying to bring a bit of justice to his city. And we see it in the Muslim teenager who will volunteer to blow himself up.

But my comfort comes in knowing my Father has reached out to me. And my Father is King.

A couple of months ago, my friends went to a seminar at Covenant. From what I understand, much of the night was spent hearing from an ex-Muslim converted to Christianity and being very honest about the Islamic "agenda," particularly in America. One story was told about an American child who befriended a young Muslim boy. In the middle of playing one day, the Muslim child turned to his friend and said he commented no matter how much he liked his friend now, of course, one day he would have to kill him. And such is our reality.

The statistics are surprising. Americans are being converted to Islam at an alarming rate and it's just plain sad. Sad and scary.

I went to Forest Hill Church this morning. It's a great church. Relevant and refreshing. I was thrilled to find the Pastor speaking on Jihadism. He spoke fairly extensively on the pillars of Islam, the Nations most affected and the difference between the Sunni and Shi'a views of Jihad. And why it matters to us. As Americans and as believers. It was amazing. One of the passages he quoted is from 2 Peter 3.
"Since everything will be destroyed in this way, what kind of people ought you to be? You ought to live holy and godly lives as you look forward to the day of God and speed its coming."

Growing up, I had an all-consuming fear of Jesus coming back. Terrified actually. Of course, this was mostly due to bad doctrine I heard the few times I went to church. I was striving.
But perfect love casts out fear- so when I became a believer my freshman year of college, God began to change my heart and head. I now long for Jesus' return. And I pray as He taught us.

Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name.
Your kingdom come,
your
will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily
bread,
and forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.

Happy in a Cup

2007-10-28T17:55:00.000-04:00

I'm in St. Louis again.
Yes, I know. I should just move here already.
I'm trying, alright. Back off me.

Anyway, I have to tell you, Internet, what happened this morning.
First, you need a little back story...Last night, Lyra and I were talking about things that make us happy. (look for a future post)
Not hugely expensive happy things. Just small insignificants that make us smile, feel all warm inside or depending on the day, talk me down from the ledge.

Well, a couple of things came rushing to mind. But one came first.
And what is at the peak of my happiness you ask? 7 marvelous words.

Venti Iced Caramel Macchiato (nonfat, sugar-free)

Starbucks coffee my friends. And it is "happy" in a cup.
So because my friends love me (and love Starbucks as well- no matter what Jared says about them being capitalist bastards), The Lees and I stopped at Starbucks this morning on the way to church.
I sighed a little inside about the outcome of my Battlestar Gallactica/ Starbucks name origin quandary...yet ordered in bliss.
I paid, grabbed my cup, began to swirl the silky colors until they mixed, took that first heavenly sip and placed it securely in the cup holder and finished putting on my makeup in the back seat of the van.
Well, we were running late. So when we got to church, I steadied my venti cup on the floor, grabbed my purse, stuffed my journal and Bible inside and crawled out of the minivan.

And that is when I was stabbed. Straight through the heart.

I accidentally grazed the green straw and my liquid pleasure was sent tumbling out of the van and proceeded to spew all over the Heritage PCA parking lot.
Wide-eyed in horror, I opened my mouth for a hefty obscenity and realized 1) there were children with me and 2) shouting the f*word in the church parking lot is just in bad taste.
So I took a breath. My eyes started to water.

So help me God, I considered stretching out and sucking my love off the cold, clean pavement. But I had a white shirt on. I had to watch my liquid joy disappear.
I don't know if I'll ever view the church parking lot the same. I do know that recounting this story, even after 8 hours, makes me not so much want to dash out to the nearest Starbucks, but jet back to the church and see if the caramel is still glistening on the pavement.

Something is seriously wrong with me.

Maybe Starbucks IS the man. Maybe they're like KFC with their addictive chemicals.
Oh right, that's caffeine.
Capitalist bastards.
Whatever. My apathy wins that war and I side with a 4 dollar cup of coffee every time. After all, it's my happy in a cup.
Even though now, at this very moment, it rests in peace in the Heritage parking lot.

Shifting Sand

2007-10-12T20:24:00.000-04:00

I have been on quite an emotional roller-coaster lately. And we're not talking about any roller-coaster. We're talking, Six Flags-Top-Gun-gotta be 5 feet to ride this- roller-coaster.
And I am ready to get off.

It's so hard not to live by our emotions.

I especially get caught up in other people's emotional issues. Lately, My heart has been heavy for someone else. In the middle of thinking, "I pray he would stop buying into the American dream and wake up," I realized I have bought into an American dream myself. Hook, line and sinker.

But my American dream is sort-of a "Christian" version.

I stopped believing years ago that money and success, a great career or an awesome condo in Paris would satisfy me. But somewhere along the line, I started believing that while being a believer, a Godly husband, 2.4 kids and great friends in an awesome church would satisfy.

Either way, I struggle in believing the truth. NOTHING will ever satisfy outside of my relationship with Christ.

I need Jesus. I need Him to change my heart. I need Him to be everything to me. I need just HIM.

My best friend, Shannon, often reminds me of the words I said, through broken sobs, at my Grandparents' funeral. After sharing the Gospel the best I knew how and replaying all the questions I kept getting asked from friends about how I was "keeping it together," I said the truest words I knew at the time.

"Jesus is all I have. Jesus is all I need."

Everything in me believes that. Now, more than ever. And with every passing day, those words become more true. This life is so difficult. The only thing that is worth holding on to is the passionate and gracious love of my Savior.

Praise to Him! He has saved us from death! He is saving us from this life and He is saving me from my dreams.

I will leave you with some of my very favorite lyrics by Caedmons Call.
They ring true so often.

Shifting Sand

Sometimes I believe all the lies
So I can do the things I should despise
And every day I am swayed
By whatever is on my mind

I hear it all depends on my faith
So I'm feeling precarious
The only problem I have with these mysteries
Is they're so mysterious

And like a consumer I've been thinking
If I could just get a bit more
More than my 15 minutes of faith,
Then I'd be secure

My faith is like shifting sand
Changed by every wave
My faith is like shifting sand
So I stand on grace

Another Reason to Love the Sabbath

2007-10-08T01:07:00.000-04:00

I love Sundays.

I love sleeping in (somewhat.) I love going to church. I love Sunday lunch and everything the Sabbath is supposed to be. Rest and gratitude and the newness that is to come tomorrow.

I especially love Sundays in the fall.

One word. FOOTBALL

Two words. CHICAGO BEARS

I freakin love it. I am utterly enthralled. I started watching football last year (because of a guy, of course) and of course, the guy didn't stick, but the Bears did. (Hey, It's more than I got from most of my doomed relationships.)

I tried to be a Panthers fan, but honestly, for some reason, it's not as fun as being a Bears fan. I watch Panthers' games. I cheer for them and am glad when they win. But it's NOTHING like the passion I feel for the Bears. They both had victories today. I said an unenthusiastic "yes" when Kasay made the game-winning field goal for the Panthers.
You should've heard the screams and seen the couch-jumping antics I displayed in the living room tonight when the Bears won. I was completely engaged and you would've thought I mean with a 2 carat diamond.

Anyway, if Sundays have lost their luster, go to church. Then go home and watch a football game.

What Every Girl Wants to Hear

2007-10-06T11:22:00.000-04:00

(ok, so I only speak for me.)

"Take Me There"
by Rascal Flatts

There’s a place in your heart, nobody's been
Take me there
Things nobody knows, not even your friends
Take me there
Tell me bout your momma, your daddy, your hometown
Show me around
I want to see it all, don't leave anything out.

I want to know, everything about you
And I want to go, down every road you've been.
Where your hopes and dreams, and wishes live
Where you keep the rest of your life hid,
I want to know the girl behind that pretty stare,
Take me there.

Your first real kiss, your first true love,
You were scared.
Show me where, you learned about life,
spent your summer nights, without a care.
I want to roll down main street, the back roads,
Like you did when you were a kid,
What made you who you are,
Tell me what your story is.

I want to know, everything about you
And I want to go, down every road you've been
Where your hopes and dreams, and wishes live
Where you keep the rest of your life hid
I want to know the girl behind that pretty stare
Take me there

Yeah,I want to know, everything about you
Yeah, everything about you baby
I want to go, down every road you've been
Where your hopes and dreams and wishes live
Where you keep the rest of your life hid
I want to know the girl behind that pretty stare
Take me, take me, take me there.

When Does God Become 100% For Us?

2007-10-04T13:50:00.000-04:00

Answering a Good Question

October 3, 2007
By John Piper

I have asked the question in public, “When does God become 100% for us?” And I have given an answer that rightly troubles thoughtful, biblical people. So this article is an effort to answer their question.

In my message to the Desiring God National Conference on Sunday, September 30, I answered the question like this:

What the Bible teaches is that God becomes 100% irrevocably for us at the moment of justification, that is, the moment when we see Christ as a beautiful Savior and receive him as our substitute punishment and our substitute perfection. All of God’s wrath, all of the condemnation we deserve, was poured out on Jesus. All of God’s demands for perfect righteousness were fulfilled by Christ. The moment we see (by grace!) this Treasure and receive him in this way his death counts as our death and his condemnation as our condemnation and his righteousness as our righteousness, and God becomes 100% irrevocably for us forever in that instant.

The question this leaves unanswered is, “Doesn’t the Bible teach that in eternity God set his favor on us in election?” In other words, thoughtful people ask, “Did God only become 100% for us in the moment of faith and union with Christ and justification? Did he not become 100% for us in the act of election before the foundation of the world?” For example, Paul says in Ephesians 1:4-5, “[God] chose us in [Jesus] before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ.”

Is God then not 100% for the elect from eternity? The answer hangs on the meaning of “100%.” With the term “100%” I am trying to preserve a biblical truth found in several passages of Scripture. For example, in Ephesians 2:3, Paul says that Christians were “children of wrath” before they were made alive in Christ Jesus. “We all once lived [among the sons of disobedience] in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind.”

So Paul is saying that, before regeneration, God’s wrath was on us. The elect were under wrath. This changed when God made us alive in Christ Jesus and awakened us to see the truth and beauty of Christ so that we received him as the one who died for us and as the one whose righteousness is counted as ours because of our union with Jesus. Before this happened to us, we were under God’s wrath. Then, because of faith in Christ and union with him, all God’s wrath was removed and he then became, in that sense, 100% for us.

Similarly in Romans 8:1, there is the crucial word “now.” “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” The implication of “now” is that there was once condemnation over us and now there is not. A real change in God’s disposition toward us happened in the moment of our regeneration and faith and union with Christ and justification.
Notice the phrase “in Christ” at the end of Romans 8:1. This is why God’s disposition toward us is different when we believe in Christ. When we believe in Christ, we are united to him—that is, we are “in Christ.” This means that his death counts as our death and his righteousness counts as our righteousness. This is why there is now no condemnation, whereas before there was. Before Christ bore the curse of the law and we were united to him by faith, we were under the curse of the law. “Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us” (Galatians 3:13).

When Paul uses the language of God being “for us,” he speaks of it in the context of what Christ has done for us in history. For example, in Romans 8:31-32, he says, “If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?” Not sparing his Son is the act that secures God’s being 100% for us forever.

So was God 100% for us from eternity because we were elect? In one sense, yes. It was 100% certain that he would bring us to faith and save us. But when I ask the question, “When did God become 100% for us?” I mean more than: “When did it become 100% certain that God would save us?” I mean: “When did it happen that God was for us and only for us? That is, when did it happen that the only disposition of God toward us was mercy? Or: When did God become for us so fully that there was not any wrath or curse or condemnation on us, but only mercy?
The answer, I still say, is at the point when, by grace, we saw Christ as a supremely valuable Savior and received him as our substitute sacrifice and substitute righteousness. In other words, it happened at the point of justification. The implication of this is that all our works, all our perseverance, all our continuing faith and obedience does not cause God to be 100% for us, but is the result of his being 100% for us.

Paul’s logic in Romans 8:32 is that because God gave his Son to die for us therefore he will give us all things with him. That is, God will see to it that we persevere to the end not only because we are elect, but because Christ died for us and we are in Christ. That is the logic of 1 Corinthians 1:8-9: “[God] will sustain you to the end, guiltless in the day of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is faithful, by whom you were called into the fellowship of his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord.” The call is mentioned as the ground of God’s faithfulness to sustain us to the end.
Therefore, exult in the truth that God will keep you. He will get you to the end because in Christ he is 100% for you. And therefore, getting to the end does not make God to be 100% for you. It is the effect of the fact that he is already 100% for you.

Renewed Faith

2007-10-02T20:37:00.001-04:00

It was a typical Tuesday. Get up, yell at dog, sit outside, eat my cereal, take shower, pack, head to work, blah blah blah.

I got off work around 4 and had to run to my friend Stacey's to take photos of her sweet new baby. Then skirted out, hopped on a conference call at 530 and headed to Raleigh to teach a class tomorrow.

I love babies.

Well, on the way, it was getting late and even though I had my heart set on eating japanese when I got to Raleigh, I was starving from skipping lunch. I had to stop.

And here is my dilemma. I hate fast food. Detest fast food. I tolerate chic fil a but other than that, it almost always sucks. I don't even like the idea of fast food. I hate sitting and waiting and the thought that what makes it fast is the utter deterioration of all quality and freshness.

Well, I was in a hurry, like so many of us are, and saw a sign for "Cookout." My friend, Chris wanted to take me there a couple of weeks ago and when we arrived, I was kinda relieved that the line was so ridiculous we couldn't get in the parking lot. I chalked it up to all the rednecks and construction workers in the area were on their lunch break. Foley, I'm sorry I doubted you.

"Cookout" is freakin awesome! Ohmygod! The burger tasted just like my Dad took that baby off the grill. The coke was all "biting" and had that teeny pebble ice. I thought it was July 4th.

So anyway, my faith has been renewed in fast food.

Other than that, like I said, typical Tuesday. I'm holed up in the hotel for the night.

I have to share a sweet song I've been listening to for a few days. I can't stop singing it.

So Small
by Carrie Underwood

What you got if you ain't got love

The kind that you just want to give away

It's ok to open up

Go ahead and let the light shine through

I know it's hard on a rainy day

You wanna shut the world out and just be left alone

But don't run out on your faith

Cause sometimes that mountain you've been climbing

Is just a grain of sand

And what you've been out there searching for forever

Is in your hands

And when you figure out love is all that matters after all

It sure makes everything else seem

So small

It's so easy to get lost inside

A problem that seems so big at the time

It's like a river that's so wide it swallows you whole

While you're sitting around thinking about what you can't change

And worrying about all the wrong things

Time's flying by, moving so fast

You better make it count cause you can't get it back

Sometimes that mountain you've been climbing

Is just a grain of sand

And what you've been out there searching for forever

Is in your hands

Oh, and when you figure out love is all that matters after all

It sure makes everything else seem

So small

Sometimes that mountain you've been climbing

Is just a grain of sand

And what you've out there searching for forever

Is in your hands

And then you figure out love is all that matters after all

It sure makes everything else

Oh, it sure makes everything else seem

So small

(Check out the video at www.myspace.com/ahardyphoto)

Life is hard

2007-10-01T21:50:00.000-04:00

Freakin hard.

Sometimes, it seems, circumstances are all that matters. We get caught up in what we have or don't have. We compare ourselves to others. We look to relationships, to money, to comfort, to success, anything and everything that we think will satisfy us. And sometimes, it does, for a brief moment. Then it all fades and we wake again to the reality that life is supposed to be more.

I spoke to a friend today who is dealing with this struggle. He is neck deep in a world that is chaotic and he is tired. So tired, he wants it all to end.

So what do I say to him? What could I say to him? Does anything make it better?

How do you express the peace found in your relationship with Christ? A relationship that is so intense and gripping that even in the middle of feeling hopeless and exhausted, you can survive. HE makes it bearable.

I've been there. I've been blinded by my wounds and anything anyone says doesn't help. All I felt was hurt and in the middle of that, it's the only thing real.

Quite a few years ago, I heard a speaker at school say...

"Our feelings are real. They are not always true, but they are always real."

So what is true? It's so hard to not rely on your feelings. "The heart is deceitful above all things." We want to believe our heart. That gut feeling. We want to rely on what we see and feel but to walk in truth, we have to think. And focusing on truth is sometimes damn near impossible.

I love my friend. But I can't say anything. I can only look to the One who has carried me so many times, through what I thought I would not survive. He alone can change hearts. He alone can make it better. And I trust He will.

More Stuff to be Happy About. (I'm trying)

2007-09-24T20:16:00.000-04:00

Now it is, in fact, Monday. And we all know Mondays suck. I woke up to the bitter sound of my alarm this morning and the day went downhill from there.

But there were a couple of shining moments....
1. The "check engine" light that has been on in my car for the last 3 days went off.
(Does that mean I should still get the engine checked?)
2. I got a funny drag-queen joke forwarded from Chris.
3. I saw a Cadillac commercial tonight in which that red-headed chic from Greys Anatomy quotes the wittiest tag line I have heard in a while..."The real questions is, when you turn your car on, does it return the favor?"
4. The new show "The Big Bang Theory" on CBS was freakin hilarious.
5. "The Kingdom" comes out in theaters in 4 days. It has Jennifer Garner, Jeremy Piven AND Tim McGraw in it and that's got HOT written all over it.

and yep, that is about the extent of the great things that happened today.

*Note- I am fully aware that my latest blogs have made me sound like a don't-wanna-work, boozing-to-make-me-feel-better, emotional ranting, gold-digging bitch.
and yes. I'm ok with that.

Monday Eve

2007-09-23T20:56:00.000-04:00

I'm in a better mood today. All it took was a little weekend retail therapy with my Mom, Mexican food, a bottle of Coppola chardonnay Friday night and presently, the Chicago Bears.

Ah yes...the simple things in life.

Tomorrow is Monday. Why are Mondays so heinous? Do we hate the beginning of the work week? Do we just hate work? For me, I think I just hate getting up after functioning apart from an alarm clock for 2 days.

But, oh well. We have to work, right? At least some of us do. That is, until I find a rich husband. I'm still holding out hope. For now, I guess I'll set my alarm and carry my happy ass back to work tomorrow.

I think I have another bottle of chardonnay.

32

2007-09-19T22:17:00.000-04:00

I turned 32 a few days ago. So far, I must say, 32 sucks.

ok, ok, I'll try to avoid a bitch session about how old I feel and how I literally sense my ovaries drying up as I type, but oh well. So yeah, I just said it anyway.

Seriously, I am feeling a bit tired right now. Physically, emotionally and spiritually.
Exhausted really. (Strange how I just got back from vacation?!) That explains the physical part.
Spiritually, I feel like I am doggie paddling, at best.

I guess, mostly, it's emotional. My heart is just tired. I am tired of feeling.

As a child of the 80's, I have fond memories of Pat Benatar. Well, Pat, if "love is a battlefield," the past year was my emotional Normandy.
The spring of last year, I had renewed hope. A lot happened. I wasn't looking for any of it. It all dropped in my lap actually. Over the course of a year, God opened up to me a few new relationships. They just ended up being hard and painful and left me freakin wounded. I felt like He set me up. It seemed He went to a lot of trouble just to disappoint me.

It's all still raging. But I quit.

Life is hard. People are hard. Loving is hard. but right.
And I guess I can't regret doing it.

Ugghhh. This blog is starting to sound stupid. and sappy.
and there's a lot of run-on sentences.

I don't care. I'm 32. I'll write whatever the hell I want on my own blog!
(oh, by the way, did I mention I am totally pms-ing?)

But don't you dare start diminishing my feelings because I mentioned pms. So help me, I will come through this computer and beat you with your mouse.

Oh. Sorry.

You can stop reading now if you want.

But actually, I think I will try my hand at redeeming this post and instead of continuing to rant, give you yet another list...

TADA.

Here is my list of 32 things I am thankful for at this precise moment-

1. Patty Griffin's song "Rain." It is on repeat right now and it's as comforting as a cool blanket.
2. My new purse
3. I don't have to be at work until 7:45 tomorrow
4. The pilot episode of Bionic Woman comes on in like 9 days
5. The down comforter in this Marriott is sweet
6. Pima cotton t-shirts
7. Sephora (which I strolled around in again today)
8. People who don't expect me to always call them
9. Friday is payday
10. I'm going home then
11. I still have Sadie
12. Harry Potter
13. post-it notes
14. martinis
15. text messages
16. hot water
17. I have strong fingernails
18. Knowing people have probably stopped reading this
19. I don't have any photographs to get to anyone right now
20. The dentist (I broke a tooth yesterday and I should probably go get that looked at.)
21. Insurance
22. Advil

ok, screw this. Since I feel 22 anyway, I am stopping there.

I am going to bed.

Oh, that's 23.

Weak-Knees, Heart-Racing, Shallow-Breath, Hot HOT Guys

2007-08-05T21:11:00.000-04:00

I have always been rather fond of hot guys.
I mean, I AM a woman.

But as I strolled out of the movie theatre all weak and breathy after watching The Bourne Ultimatum the other day, I wondered what exactly makes a guy hot.
Hmmm.

And I think I figured it out.

It's not all about looks, of course.
I mean, Nicolas Cage was hot in Face/Off and The Rock, but generally, he's not extremely attractive. And I don't mean to generalize, because I cannot speak for all women, but when I think about characters that make me leave the movie willing to give a lung for one night ironing their tight jeans, it's something deeper but shallow nonetheless. It's the intellect, the confidence and strength. (and the tight jeans don't hurt)

Every girl has the rescue fantasy. The knight in shining whatever. We want a man willing to kill or die for us. I admit that.

(And ok, to you married women reading this- I know this is all ridiculous and Christ is my rescuer, and men are not meant to fulfill all our security needs, etc...so please spare me the comments or emails about me having unrealistic expectations.)

I know the truth. I don't ever expect to marry Indiana Jones or 007.
At this point, I don't expect to marry anyone actually. So let me have the fantasy, mkay?!

So I decided to make a list. (Yeah, I have OCD and I love lists. You know this.)

Here is my list of the Top 10 Hottest Guys in Movies these days-

1. Colin Firth
as in the BBC version of Pride and Prejudice and Bridget Jones' Diary.
I would give a lung AND a kidney to hear his accent for an hour.
He's British. He's the strong, silent type and he looks great in jeans. What's not to love?

2. Josh Lucas
as in Sweet Home Alabama.
I know it's camera magic making his eyes look that blue but mmmm. mmm.

3. Matthew McConaughey
as in A Time to Kill.
Remember that ladder scene with the sweaty, ripped t-shirt? Women everywhere just gave a collective "uhh huuuhh."

4. Matt Damon
as in The Bourne trilogy and Good Will Hunting.
He looks so normal...but on the flip side, he can just kick ass. On top of that, he speaks all kinds of languages and is just freakin smart. That's so hot.

5. Brad Pitt
as in Seven and Fight Club.
So I said it wasn't all about looks, but in this case, it is

6. Jason Statham
as in The Transporter.
So his movies mostly suck, but I watch them anyway. He has an accent, amazing...um, calisthenic ability and that black driver suit totally works on him.

7. Mark Wahlberg
as in The Italian Job and The Departed.
His model girlfriend may not be able to say a lot, but one thing she can always say..."My boyfriend can kick your boyfriends ass."

8. Colin Farrell
as in SWAT and The Recruit.
He's just so bad ass. And he's Irish.

9. Michael Vartan
as in Alias and Never Been Kissed.
What is it with the CIA guys? On Alias, he was stern but sensitive. And bonus! He's French.

10. Bruce Willis
as in Die Hard.
"Yippee Ki-ay, mother *#%^@!"
So yeah, he's older. I like to think of it as experienced. Who cares? That smart ass grin is steamy.

Freedom, Commitment, and Harry Potter

2007-07-22T21:26:00.001-04:00

It's been a whirlwind few days! On Thursday after work, I hit the road for "home." Funny, I haven't lived in Greenville for 8 months and yet, I still consider it home. I spent the better part of the last 14 years there. I miss it. But it's my friends that I miss the most, including Alex and Kelly. It was a short visit but I got a few shots of their baby, already 6 months old!

Who can resist little baby feet?

Sweet Baby Josh

Friday, I made my way to the Lawyers office...that's right, my friends. The house is SOLD. I remember sitting in that same office a little over 3 years ago and feeling like I was signing my life away. This time, I can't tell you the freedom I felt as I let it go. I loved that house. But as Alex so lovingly reminded me, "the memories, you take with you." There are countless memories I will take from 725 Main St.

I was truly made alive in Greenville. Not just in a spiritual way. I learned so many things there; what it means to be a friend, who I am and who I am becoming, the freedom that is found in Christ and the joy that can be found in home. And even though my heart broke all over again as I pulled out of the driveway for the last time, I felt alive and free.

On Friday afternoon, I shot a wedding in Bath. Beth and Chris are beautiful people and I was amazed, once again, of the wonder it is when God brings people together and allows them to love and commit to serve one another in this life. I am truly blessed that I actually get paid to witness such an event.

My favorite images from the wedding...

The flower girl, Lydia, was the entertainment for the evening!

That kid can dance!

Congratulations Chris and Beth Norman

After the wedding Friday night, I headed back to Greenville and stood in line with my obsessive friends for the long awaited release of the new Harry Potter book. It was interesting, to say the least! I got a little education on the series and my interest was peaked enough to start reading them.

Well at least I will have something to read while in hotels. Oh yes, I'm on another hotel stint. I am writing from South Florida at the moment! I'll return home on Wednesday for a few days then fly to Atlantic City. Oh the joy of having a job.

We have so many things to be thankful for, my friends. For freedom, commitment and of course, Harry Potter.

Elvis, Free Beer, Penguins, and a Moonbounce Jumpy Thing

2007-07-15T18:37:00.000-04:00

So I got back from vacation last week. I had an amazing time. Started out on Saturday the 30th and drove the 9 long hours to the home of Al Green, the Blues, Elvis and some good dang bar-b-que...Memphis, Tennessee. I met a friend there, Michael, who turned out to be quite a knowledgable and entertaining tour guide! For two days, he drove me around and showed me Memphis' choice spots, with my favorite being...

Sun Studio!

My Native-Memphian tour guide, Michael

National Civil Rights Museum

I was singing Marc Cohn lyrics for days

"...walking with my feet ten feet off of Beale..."

On Sunday night, I made my way westward to St. Louis, the Gateway to the West. I went to visit Jared and Lyra and the boys. It was amazingly relaxing and fun at the same time.

The Lee Family

On Tuesday, Lyra and I had a girl's night with Emily, Nikki and April. It was quite eventful. The rundown is as follows...hit downtown, searched for a parking space for God knows how long, checked out the Piano Bar, went to get food, tried to no avail to get back into the Piano Bar, went back to our treasured parking space, drove the wrong way down a one-way street through the semi-ghetto and finally arrived at Bar Louie where we spent the remainder of our evening drinking sexy cocktails and talking about such wondrous things as lipgloss, hormones and sex. We also talked a bit with a Chris Farley look-alike named Andy, even though Lyra almost dissuaded him :)

On Wednesday we went to a nearby park and enjoyed the Independence Day festivities with the Lloyds and the Sawyers. The girls got busy discussing great and lowly things, Sean smoked a Gandolph pipe, I lit sparklers for the kids, some dude in a red sequined jacket sang cover songs and the fireworks burst in the background.

Gage-celebrating his freedom

On Friday, the Lees and I made another trip to the St. Louis Art Museum. The exterior is as beautiful as the artwork and as Nikki pointed out, the park is what you imagine Pemberly to look like, as in "Pride and Prejudice."

Ah...heavenly

We checked out the Napoleonic art special exhibit then made the short walk to the St. Louis Zoo. I must say, I am a huge fan of zoos in general. The St. Louis Zoo is exceptionally smelly, but then again, it is July and on top of that, it is FREE. The penguin house was my favorite. It's a chilly 58 degrees.

I love penguins. They are so fly yet so formal.

On Saturday, we went to the Sawyers house for Joseph's Birthday. Happy #3! There was a Moonbounce Jumpy Thing, chocolate cake, adorable children and tasty beverages. It was the best birthday I could imagine. In fact, I hope to have a party just like that in a couple of months!

The Birthday Boy!

Jump Around...Jump Around...

Sunday, we went to church at Heritage, where Sean is the pastor. It was amazingly refreshing and made me long to move there. I met some awesome folks and as a bonus, the church is simply adorable!

After church, we made a run to White Castle, all Harold and Kumar style, and went to Grant's Farm. There were a ton of really fun animals (including the Clydesdales) and the best funnel cake I've had in a while.

Read the Sign

Pygmy Goats...sooo cute, but quite annoying. One bit Gage.

This horse was strangely beautiful.

One of the joyous things about St. Louis is that so much is FREE! Anheuser-Busch owns a ton of stuff, including Grant's Farm...so guess what? That's right, my friends. Free Beer.

Shea, looking right "German"

The boys played while we enjoyed our free beer

The drive home gave me 12 hours to think about family and acceptance and love and friendship. I feel all of those things when I'm there. And I'll be counting down the days til I make the trip again. (51)

The French do it better

2007-06-23T10:46:00.000-04:00

No, I'm not French but for those of you who know me well, you know that I am indeed a Francophile.

Let's face it.
The French have excelled in so many of life's most wonderful things...wine, food, art, architecture, and of course, kissing.

Evidently, they even improve upon the mindless self-questionnaires you see floating around myspace and on blogs. Well, Nikki found one and since I am unoriginal and have nothing else to do on this ridiculously hot Saturday, I give you...

Le Questionnaire de Proust

WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST FEAR?
Spiders

WHAT IS YOUR CURRENT STATE OF MIND?
Excited (I don't know if that is a state of mind per se, but it's how I feel)

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE OCCUPATION?(WAY OF SPENDING TIME)
Spending time with intimate groups of people or touring

WHAT HISTORICAL FIGURE DO YOU MOST IDENTIFY WITH?
I don't really do history. But I always identified with CS Lewis in his writing (not the genius-theologian Lewis, the broken man Lewis)

WHICH LIVING PERSON DO YOU MOST ADMIRE?
My Grandfather

WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE FICTIONAL HERO?
I always loved Batman for the fact that he made himself a super-hero. No spider bites or Planet Krypton. He just decided one day- "Yep. I think I'll kick some ass." Plus Batman is hot. (or maybe that's the guys who play Batman...)

WHO ARE YOUR REAL-LIFE HEROES?
Yeah, um, Nikki and I discussed this. We may be too cynical for real-life heroes.

WHAT IS YOUR MOST TREASURED POSSESSION?
My photographs and my Grandmother's engagement ring

WHEN AND WHERE WERE YOU HAPPIEST?
In college, surrounded by exceptional friends and not a care in the world. (oh, except how we would find the money to eat.)

WHAT IS YOUR MOST OBVIOUS CHARACTERISTIC?
I would like to think it is that I love people. I am afraid others would say it is being loud or funny.

WHAT IS THE TRAIT YOU MOST DEPLORE IN YOURSELF?
My shifting allegiance

WHAT IS THE TRAIT YOU MOST DEPLORE IN OTHERS?
Dishonesty

WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST EXTRAVAGANCE?
Fabulous shoes, one Fendi purse bought in Moscow, and frequent trips to Sephora (it's a cosmetics/make-up store)

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE JOURNEY?
I decided last night is was "Faithfully"

WHAT DO YOU MOST DISLIKE ABOUT YOUR APPEARANCE?
I have striking blue eyes and mile long eyelashes. (Nikki set the precedent by answering in the positive.)

WHAT DO YOU CONSIDER THE MOST OVER-RATED VIRTUE?
Can I call "prohibition" a virtue?

ON WHAT OCCASION DO YOU LIE?
In bed every night. On the couch occasionally.

WHICH WORDS OR PHRASES DO YOU MOST OVER-USE?
"Actually", "Basically", "Totally", "Apparently" and quite a few four letter ones.

IF YOU COULD CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT YOURSELF, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
My OCD over-analyzing twisty emotional quality

WHAT DO YOU CONSIDER YOUR GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT?
So far, having gained the love and respect of lovely and respectable people.

WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO LIVE?
With a husband.

WHAT IS THE QUALITY YOU MOST ADMIRE IN A MAN?
In general, their single-mindedness in purpose. And confidence.

WHAT IS THE QUALITY YOU MOST ADMIRE IN A WOMAN?
In general, their universal-mindedness in tasks. And homeschooling mothers.

WHAT IS IT YOU MOST DISLIKE?
Disloyalty

WHAT DO YOU VALUE MOST IN YOUR FRIENDS?
Acceptance

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
"Perfect only in her imperfection"

WHO HAS BEEN THE GREATEST INFLUENCE ON YOU?
Keesha Moore
(and in a little over 2 months, it will be my great pleasure to see her gain a new last name)

My Sweet Sadie

2007-06-22T19:45:00.000-04:00

"I'm good enough; I'm smart enough; And doggone it, people like me!"

2007-06-14T09:05:00.000-04:00

I am having an identity crisis. OK, that is a slightly dramatic statement. Not really a crisis, per se.

I never considered myself extremely emotional. I can be, but as a general rule, I don't find that my feelings are hurt all the time nor do I get so bothered by things, that I think and fret about them for days on end. Until recently.

I don't know what has happened, but for the past few weeks, I have been over-analyzing everything. It has been brought on by the craziest stuff. Everything from friends' comments and response times to emails or phone calls, to looks from my students and the tone of voice my Dad used.

I have a running dialogue in my head that goes something like this...

Me2: You suck.
Me: No, I don't.
Me2: You are so not smart.
Me: Yes, I am. I have a genius IQ!
Me2: You are not intelligent where it counts. You're certainly not well-versed in theology.
Me: well, um...kinda, I am.
Me2: You have nothing to contribute. They don't like you.
Me: People do SO like me! And everyone doesn't have to like me! I have lots of friends! Let me list them...
Me2: They only tolerate you. They don't love you. Why else do they not call or write?
Me: They're busy! They have families and things to do.
Me2: Face it Mandy. You're not worth the effort.
Me: well, I, um...
Me2: Why else are you 31 and single? You have NEVER even had a relationship! You're almost 32! No one has ever chosen you and they won't. You are not worth it.
Me: God is in control of that and He is good! And even if no one ever "chooses" me, He did!
Me2: Everyone leaves you Mandy. Sooner or later, they all leave. What makes you so sure God won't too?
Me: He won't
Me2: He might
Me: He won't
Me2: He could
Me: He won't
Me2: What if you're wrong?
Me: (crying)
Me2: Be honest, but only to yourself. Tell people what they want to hear. If you tell the truth, they won't think you're a believer. Maybe you're not.
Me: Oh yes, I AM!
Me2: You're mental. People are really gonna know after they read this.
Me: I don't care. Shut up.

~ and so the drama and name-calling ensues in my head...

The issue is, for those of us who are believers and claim kinship with our Lord Jesus, we are in a perpetual state of paradox. I am a saint AND a sinner. I am accepted and loved by God, yet I did/do nothing to deserve it. I am free but choose to live in bondage. I am given love but don't know how to receive it. I long for community and fellowship, but I'm alone and selfish. I am being sanctified but I'm a trainwreck.

How do we wrap our heads around that? It is an amazingly difficult concept that has been the theme of my life lately. Who am I, really? The voices in my head are varied. Sometimes, it is my voice of reason and logic. Sometimes, it is my voice of experience. Sometimes, it's Satan or the world.
But I pray, the voice I listen and respond to, is the voice of my precious savior. His voice tells me what is true and real. He says, I chose you before the foundation of the world. He says, I love you with an everlasting love. He says, I provide all you need. He says, I created you in My image. I give you love and friendship and allow you to glorify Me by demonstrating that to others. He says, you are worth every effort, every pain, even death.
So today I choose to listen to His voice, to hear Him speak softly again and to drown out the chaos that plagues me. He has such amazing and beautiful things to say.

Laurel Hill Elementary School

2007-06-06T09:58:00.000-04:00

Evidently, I have been "tagged." The word only brings memories of a frustrating game in elementary school that I sucked at. So, since I have been assigned to write 8 random facts, I hereby deem this blog all about my primary school experience at Laurel Hill Elementary.

Because Nikki has roped me back into blogging, I will copy the rules from her...
According to the Meme Gods (and Nikki), I must include this first:
1. I have to post these rules before I give you the facts.
2. Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
3. People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
(This will not happen)
5. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.
(Neither will this)

So here are my eight random things-

1. When I was in 4th grade, I was on lunch and eating my carrot sticks while, of course, probably doing something immature and ridiculous. Just when I had popped a carrot stick in my mouth, I sneezed and the damn thing went up my nose. I mean JAMMED up my nose. In a panic, I ran up to my teacher Mrs. Littlejohn who promptly looked at me with her "what did you do now" face and took me to the principals office. They called my Dad who came and got me, took me to the pediatrician who removed said carrot and proceeded to hand it to me in a glass jar. My Dad threw it out the window on the way home and took me to lunch. I bet Mrs. Littlejohn still thinks I shoved that thing up my nose on a dare.

2. My first kiss was Chris Hogan when I was 5. His parents and my parents were best friends so we hung out at their house a lot. The Hogans had a train track that ran behind their house and we would go down this huge hill and play down there. (It was 25 years ago when people didn't watch their kids too much.) Well, Chris had this awesome idea of putting pennies on the track and when a train came, it would flatten them. I thought he was sooo cool. I was however, terrified that this would make the train derail and so every time I heard a train whistle, I went to running.

3. I had the same teacher for 1st and 2nd grade. Mrs. Goodwin was her name. She was a very patient woman and to this day, when I happen to run into her, she jokes that changing grades that year was a HUGE mistake on her part. 1 year of me was quite enough.

4. In second grade my ADD had fully kicked in and I was terribly obnoxious. One particular day, because I thought I knew everything, I kept yelling out the spelling of words that Mrs. Goodwin was saying. Finally, I drove her to her boiling point and she directed me to come to the front of the class. She gave me chalk and told me to spell "supercalifragilisticexpialadocious." I think I spelled it about that way and she said..."Hm. Good job Mandy. We all know you can spell. Now sit down and shut up."

5. I won the school spelling bee that same year but I lost in the county one because I couldn't spell "kintergarden." I still don't know the proper spelling of that word.

6. My teacher noticed one day that I was having trouble writing "oy" in cursive. She made me write "boy" like 1000 times until I could properly attach the o and y. I truly believe my penmanship is one of my best qualities and I have Mrs. Littlejohn to thank for it. Seriously! Give me your address. I'll write you a letter.
(However, I also have her to thank that I find myself subconsciously spelling out "oy" in cursive with my finger to this day.)

7. I could hula hoop like nobody's business!

8. I played "Becky" in the 4th grade play of "The Adventures of Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn." Becky was Tom's girlfriend and Tom was played by my little boyfriend, Chad Snead. I was happy because I got to kiss him in front of the whole school AND our parents. Chad and I later found out that we were like 5th cousins and that was the end of that.
(Why is there a kissing theme in my elementary school blog? I got way more action then.)

So, there you have it Nikki. All the folks you tagged are the only people I know with blogs so I guess I am risking chicken pox or being haunted or 18 years of bad luck if I break the chain. But oh well, I have always been a risk taker. Ask Mrs. Littlejohn.

Blood Diamond

2007-05-19T22:30:00.000-04:00

So, I'm watching this movie and I think it has turned me off from ever wanting a diamond engagement ring.

One of my favorite photos ever

2007-05-19T12:24:00.000-04:00

And the Oscar goes to...

2007-05-18T09:19:00.001-04:00

I always kinda wanted to be an actress. I figure I could so rock that job. SO easy. All you have to do is pretend to be something you're not and get fame and fortune for it. I think I'm an actress already. Aren't we all?
I was voted "class Clown" out of 400 people in my senior class in high school. I think my Dad is still a bit disappointed that I was not "most likely to succeed" or even "biggest flirt." I really thought I had to perform to make people love me early in life. I struggled with that even after I became a believer in college. I thought I had gotten over feeling that burning need for attention but I realized today that...my entire job is performing.
See, I'm a corporate trainer for Cingular Wireless, now the new AT&T. I basically spend my days entertaining adults while trying to teach them about our company culture and sales tactics. I thought this was a great job for me, until I took it. In my first class, I was being observed by a superior, and I was told that since I now indirectly worked for Human Resources, I had to watch what I said. She informed me that it was not appropriate to say "flippin" in class. As in, "this flippin projector is not cooperating." She educated me on how flippin and freakin were simply replacements for another f* word. No crap. I thought to myself...she better be glad I didn't say the other f-word. I was also told to avoid referring to an entire group as "guys" and that my sarcastic tone could sometimes be offensive. Well, damn. I actually thought they hired me for my smart-ass humor.
Anyway, sometimes I am so tired of performing. It actually is a great thing I have to do it in my job. Maybe I will do it less in my personal life.

1978

2007-05-17T21:46:00.000-04:00

This is my Mom, my brother and I on Easter somewhere around 1978. My brother has this photo up in his house. I think he is infatuated with that snazzy white suit. He says it reminds him that I haven't changed a bit.

What I could live without

2007-05-17T19:44:00.000-04:00

I found out today that there is an actual "pool" going down at my office, all competing for money, on the process and final outcome of American Idol. What the hell happened to betting on sports? You gotta be kidding me. It's all the buzz.
Pam was saying she is almost certain to win because she picked Jordan from the beginning. Yvonne says she is going to win because she had the top 6 correct.
I will jab a pen in my eye if someone else stops me in the hall and asks me if I think Sanjaya will get a record deal. I hate American Idol, but I'm not discriminating. I am fundamentally against reality tv as a whole. Life is interesting enough without having to watch someone else do non-sensical things and deal with the consequences. I watch myself do idiotic things every day. Why the heck would I want to see someone else doing them?
So I was thinking, there are some things the world can do without. I decided to start a list.
Maybe I will branch out and move to petition these things out of our lives forever.

Let's abolish
1. Reality TV
2. Soap Operas (sorry Nikki, I know you are emotionally attached to DOOL)
3. those God-forsaken stair climber machines at the gym (and all similar monstrosities)
4. fake nails
5. crocs
6. "Golden Corral" and all other buffet style family restaurants
7. neck ties
8. tofu
9. black lacquer furniture
10. cell phones (I realize this would put me on the bread line but I would gladly find another job to free the world of those obnoxious people who talk on the phone while they should be driving, ordering their food, being quiet in the book store, etc etc etc)

ok, so "The Office" just came on so I will rant later. This blogging thing really is therapeutic.

Mirrors

2007-05-17T08:50:00.000-04:00

My family has a running joke that I have never met a mirror I didn't like. Personally, I have never thought it overly confident for my response after looking in one to be "Damn. I'm pretty." Mostly, I'm just trying to make myself believe it. It appears a bit vain to them. They laugh.

It seems I've been glaring in contempt at my own reflection lately. In a different mirror of sorts, I look my sin dead in the eye every day and the image just keeps getting worse. I recently hurt someone who was quickly becoming one of the very last people I wanted to hurt. I realized I am failing to love my friends in distance as I loved them in close proximity. I am unfaithful in my work and selfish in my time. I have the nerve to figuratively tell God what He's doing is not right. I question His provision. The reflection is heinous.

If it were my choice, I'd rather look at that reality through some barely visible shards of glass. Pieced together in small doses. We try to make ourselves believe..."I'm not that bad." But the sad truth is, I haven't seen the entire depth of my sin. It seems to get progressively worse but I guess Gods faithfulness in holding that mirror up is just as progressive. I don't yet see the depth that I'm capable of, but somehow He makes the viewing bearable. The gospel, "the good news," is truly made real and alive again today. As it will be tomorrow and the next day and the day after that. And I will wake up and breathe by the grace of God and look to my redemption which is also progressive. Someday, I'll learn to be totally honest about what I see in the mirror. "Damn. I'm pretty" is probably getting old.

100 Things...

2007-05-14T16:50:00.000-04:00

I started this blog a couple of years ago but I got bored with it. I am returning. Maybe my blogging will save some poor person from having to listen to me and it may be a healthy psychological outlet to keep me from snapping in traffic and rear-ending someone driving in the fast lane.
So... 100 things to know about me

100. I have road rage
99. I have a Jeep Cherokee that was paid off exactly 2 days ago
98. I have a house for sale in Winterville (anyone need a house?)
97. It has a front porch swing
96. That is one of the main reasons I bought it. I like to swing
95. I took dancing and acrobatic lessons for almost 10 years when I was young
94. I performed in my back yard for the neighbor kids
93. One time, I did a back flip off the neighbors pump house and busted my face
92. I still tap dance in the kitchen
91. I secretly want to be a singer
90. I hate J Lo (did you know she spent 150 grand on a jewel-encrusted toilet seat?)
89. I have a girl crush on Jennifer Garner
88. Alias is my favorite TV show of all time
87. Alias has warped my mind into thinking that if I'm ever attacked by a thief, a psycho, or a member of the KGB, I would in fact, be able to kick their ass
86. Thankfully, this has never happened
85. I went on an awesome date once to Navy Pier in Chicago
84. It was with a guy named Jeff
83. I spent the summer of '96 in Chicago
82. Jeff talked about Glacier National Park a lot
81. I have never been there. or to Yellowstone
80. I have also never been to Seattle
79. I want to go. Maybe because of Greys Anatony
78. I secretly believe I am smart enough to be a doctor
77. I am not
76. I hated school
75. I wrote my Sr English paper the period before it was due and I made the highest grade in my senior class
74. The paper was about Date Rape on college campuses and I made up the statistics
73. I became a christian in college
72. I still made up statistics for papers
71. I don't like asparagus
70. My favorite vegetable is those tiny LeSeuer peas in the silver can
69. I think I could eat mexican food every day
68. When I was eight, I went cross country to California and Las Vegas with my family in a Buick LeSabre
67. They let my brother fly
66. I am still secretly bitter they made me (the ADD child) ride for a week cramped between my Mama and Granny
65. My Daddy won $1500 in a slot machine on the way home
64. This was important
63. We were poor
62. Don't ask me how they afforded to go to Vegas
61. I went to the Bahamas last month with my brother Mitch
60. Mitch wanted to stay in the casino the entire time
59. I wanted to stay at the water park or in the ocean
58. I got mad at him and went snorkeling alone
57. I met the lifeguard
56. His name was Ednal
55. My great-grandmas name was Edna
54. My other great-grandmas name was Sadie
53. I named my dog after her
52. She used to make me liver pudding sandwiches (my great-grandma, not my dog)
51. My dog simply makes me angry
50. She is terribly cute though
49. We had a golden retriever named Lady when we were little
48. Someone poisioned her and she died.
47. My Daddy buried her in the woods and we made a cross to put on her grave
46. He never let us get another pet
45. My Dad has 2 Harley Davidson Motorcycles
44. He recently got a chocolate lab and named him Harley
43. It was my suggestion to name his dog after a motorcycle but now, I think it's a lame idea
42. I like shoes
41. and purses
40. I bought a rather authentic looking Fendi purse in a mall in Red Square in Moscow
39. I spent the summer of 1998 in Minsk, Belarus
38. While there, I was walking and talking to one of my friends, laughing, slipped on this huge marble staircase and fractured my foot
37. I was wearing Adidas flip flops
36. Damn Adidas flip flops
35. I had to go home early
34. On my way to Frankfurt, a flight attendant for Lufthansa had pity on me
33. She had a very attractive male flight attendant meet me at the gate in Frankfurt
32. He pushed me around the airport in a wheelchair, got me dinner and let me call my Grandparents from the captains club
31. I am now loyal to Lufthansa and Delta because of that
30. I wish I could speak Spanish
29. I have no desire to go to Mexico
28. I saw a slideshow of the Maldives Hilton and am now obsessed with going there
27. I say I'm obsessed a lot
26. Maybe it's because I have obsessive compulsive disorder
25. I wish I were OCD about being clean, but I'm not
24. My Mama is
23. She vacuums the floor obsessively
22. She has worked at Campbell Soup for 25 years
21. We ate soup a lot when I was a kid
20. My Mother is very pretty, with a native american background and dark skin
19. I look like my Daddy
18. His family is part-Irish
17. My parents were divorced when I was 11
18. I didn't see it coming
17. I think it affected me adversely as I always expect people to leave me
16. I have friends that are proving that wrong
15. I'm really glad God is so "long-suffering"
14. He "suffers" a lot from me
13. I am horribly flawed
12. I am addicted to lip gloss
11. I honestly believe one of my best qualities is my penmanship
10. I write almost exactly like my Mama. She says mine in better. It's not
9. My best friend at work (and co-trainer) is Stacey
8. Stacey and I joke that if we ever have an exceptionally crappy day, we are going to "fake a passing out." It makes us laugh
7. Today is exceptionally crappy. I am sure I could, quite convincingly, fake a passing out
6. I don't recall ever having passed out
5. It gets very hot in North Carolina
4. and I donate blood a lot
3. My blood type is 0+
2. I think that is a great type to have because I'm told it's a universal donor
1. I'm glad I can help

8pm in Paris right now

2005-12-13T13:01:00.000-05:00

Christmas blahs

2005-12-12T15:27:00.000-05:00

Lord help me. I am so broke and depressed. Usually, one would not have anything to do with the other but in this case, I can't get my zoloft prescription refilled so it has a definite correlation.
I am ready to jab a pencil in my eye if I have to read another mass email... and don't even get me started on the random christmas cards received from people who would otherwise not give a shit if I live through the holidays.
It is even more depressing that I went through all the trouble to decorate a damn tree only for my dog to eat the ornaments and my light bill to go up. holidays suck.
santa baby. bring me a new attitude.

home with mom

2005-07-22T01:48:00.000-04:00

My Mama keeps q-tips in a champaigne glass in her bathroom. This is not odd. She also keeps tiny marbles and shampoos from motels displayed because they are "her colors." I call her a bit obsessive but even in an ocean of plum and sage green, it is still immaculately clean. How can she do this? Why are there no leaves in the pool? Why are even the paper towels special because they have grapes on them? I will never know but it makes her happy and the old saying stands firm that if Mama is or is not happy...well, you know.

A Thousand Words

Donald Miller *swoon*

It's been a while...

Tags and Such

Honduras Images

What DIDN'T happen to me.

Passion

"That's what she said"...and other one-liners from the gynecologists office

Something Blue

Mandy (Grad '08!)

Matt and Emily (+ baby!)

I AM Bridget Jones

MOBOT

Better than Zanax

Know Why Chocolate Covered Long-Stemmed Strawberries are Better than Long-Stemmed Roses?

TAG, etc etc

I No Longer Want to Drive Off a Cliff

Love

Dear Refuge of My Weary Soul

St. Louis Move: Cancelled...

Thankfully, I'm At Work...

'Cause We All Just Wanna Be Big Rockstars...

But then a couple of hours later...

Happy Happy Joy Joy...

Just 'Cause I Feel Like It

Waiting

Winter

The Kingdom

Happy in a Cup

Shifting Sand

Another Reason to Love the Sabbath

What Every Girl Wants to Hear

When Does God Become 100% For Us?

Renewed Faith

Life is hard

More Stuff to be Happy About. (I'm trying)

Monday Eve

32

Weak-Knees, Heart-Racing, Shallow-Breath, Hot HOT Guys

Freedom, Commitment, and Harry Potter

Elvis, Free Beer, Penguins, and a Moonbounce Jumpy Thing

The French do it better

My Sweet Sadie

"I'm good enough; I'm smart enough; And doggone it, people like me!"

Laurel Hill Elementary School

Blood Diamond

One of my favorite photos ever

And the Oscar goes to...

1978

What I could live without

Mirrors

100 Things...

8pm in Paris right now

Christmas blahs

home with mom

Donald Miller swoon