Mirrors
My family has a running joke that I have never met a mirror I didn't like. Personally, I have never thought it overly confident for my response after looking in one to be "Damn. I'm pretty." Mostly, I'm just trying to make myself believe it. It appears a bit vain to them. They laugh.
It seems I've been glaring in contempt at my own reflection lately. In a different mirror of sorts, I look my sin dead in the eye every day and the image just keeps getting worse. I recently hurt someone who was quickly becoming one of the very last people I wanted to hurt. I realized I am failing to love my friends in distance as I loved them in close proximity. I am unfaithful in my work and selfish in my time. I have the nerve to figuratively tell God what He's doing is not right. I question His provision. The reflection is heinous.
If it were my choice, I'd rather look at that reality through some barely visible shards of glass. Pieced together in small doses. We try to make ourselves believe..."I'm not that bad." But the sad truth is, I haven't seen the entire depth of my sin. It seems to get progressively worse but I guess Gods faithfulness in holding that mirror up is just as progressive. I don't yet see the depth that I'm capable of, but somehow He makes the viewing bearable. The gospel, "the good news," is truly made real and alive again today. As it will be tomorrow and the next day and the day after that. And I will wake up and breathe by the grace of God and look to my redemption which is also progressive. Someday, I'll learn to be totally honest about what I see in the mirror. "Damn. I'm pretty" is probably getting old.
It seems I've been glaring in contempt at my own reflection lately. In a different mirror of sorts, I look my sin dead in the eye every day and the image just keeps getting worse. I recently hurt someone who was quickly becoming one of the very last people I wanted to hurt. I realized I am failing to love my friends in distance as I loved them in close proximity. I am unfaithful in my work and selfish in my time. I have the nerve to figuratively tell God what He's doing is not right. I question His provision. The reflection is heinous.
If it were my choice, I'd rather look at that reality through some barely visible shards of glass. Pieced together in small doses. We try to make ourselves believe..."I'm not that bad." But the sad truth is, I haven't seen the entire depth of my sin. It seems to get progressively worse but I guess Gods faithfulness in holding that mirror up is just as progressive. I don't yet see the depth that I'm capable of, but somehow He makes the viewing bearable. The gospel, "the good news," is truly made real and alive again today. As it will be tomorrow and the next day and the day after that. And I will wake up and breathe by the grace of God and look to my redemption which is also progressive. Someday, I'll learn to be totally honest about what I see in the mirror. "Damn. I'm pretty" is probably getting old.
Labels: life
posted by Mandy at
8:50 AM
4 Comments:
You sound like such a sad panda! (do you know that reference?....I'm not really calling you a panda.) Anyway, I can relate to everything you are saying except that I avoid mirrors at all costs because I don't want to "face" my own ugliness, spiritual or otherwise. God has solved that little problem for me though by giving me children who, everyday reflect back to me by own sinfulness in themselves. That sneaky God...there's just nowhere to run from myself!
Sad panda?! yeah, never heard that one. That does properly describe me this week. A lot going on it seems. There is indeed nowhere to run.
"Sad Panda" is from a Southpark episode from way back in the day. I use it all the time, and I almost never think to ask if people know what the hell I'm talking about. Sorry!
OK, apparently, I'm missing major life lessons and theology found in South Park. I need to rent the DVDs. Jared told me about the episode explaining Joseph Smith. dum,dum,dum, dum-dum...
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