Blood Diamond

So, I'm watching this movie and I think it has turned me off from ever wanting a diamond engagement ring.

One of my favorite photos ever

And the Oscar goes to...

I always kinda wanted to be an actress. I figure I could so rock that job. SO easy. All you have to do is pretend to be something you're not and get fame and fortune for it. I think I'm an actress already. Aren't we all?
I was voted "class Clown" out of 400 people in my senior class in high school. I think my Dad is still a bit disappointed that I was not "most likely to succeed" or even "biggest flirt." I really thought I had to perform to make people love me early in life. I struggled with that even after I became a believer in college. I thought I had gotten over feeling that burning need for attention but I realized today that...my entire job is performing.
See, I'm a corporate trainer for Cingular Wireless, now the new AT&T. I basically spend my days entertaining adults while trying to teach them about our company culture and sales tactics. I thought this was a great job for me, until I took it. In my first class, I was being observed by a superior, and I was told that since I now indirectly worked for Human Resources, I had to watch what I said. She informed me that it was not appropriate to say "flippin" in class. As in, "this flippin projector is not cooperating." She educated me on how flippin and freakin were simply replacements for another f* word. No crap. I thought to myself...she better be glad I didn't say the other f-word. I was also told to avoid referring to an entire group as "guys" and that my sarcastic tone could sometimes be offensive. Well, damn. I actually thought they hired me for my smart-ass humor.
Anyway, sometimes I am so tired of performing. It actually is a great thing I have to do it in my job. Maybe I will do it less in my personal life.

1978

This is my Mom, my brother and I on Easter somewhere around 1978. My brother has this photo up in his house. I think he is infatuated with that snazzy white suit. He says it reminds him that I haven't changed a bit.

What I could live without

I found out today that there is an actual "pool" going down at my office, all competing for money, on the process and final outcome of American Idol. What the hell happened to betting on sports? You gotta be kidding me. It's all the buzz.
Pam was saying she is almost certain to win because she picked Jordan from the beginning. Yvonne says she is going to win because she had the top 6 correct.
I will jab a pen in my eye if someone else stops me in the hall and asks me if I think Sanjaya will get a record deal. I hate American Idol, but I'm not discriminating. I am fundamentally against reality tv as a whole. Life is interesting enough without having to watch someone else do non-sensical things and deal with the consequences. I watch myself do idiotic things every day. Why the heck would I want to see someone else doing them?
So I was thinking, there are some things the world can do without. I decided to start a list.
Maybe I will branch out and move to petition these things out of our lives forever.

Let's abolish
1. Reality TV
2. Soap Operas (sorry Nikki, I know you are emotionally attached to DOOL)
3. those God-forsaken stair climber machines at the gym (and all similar monstrosities)
4. fake nails
5. crocs
6. "Golden Corral" and all other buffet style family restaurants
7. neck ties
8. tofu
9. black lacquer furniture
10. cell phones (I realize this would put me on the bread line but I would gladly find another job to free the world of those obnoxious people who talk on the phone while they should be driving, ordering their food, being quiet in the book store, etc etc etc)

ok, so "The Office" just came on so I will rant later. This blogging thing really is therapeutic.

Mirrors

My family has a running joke that I have never met a mirror I didn't like. Personally, I have never thought it overly confident for my response after looking in one to be "Damn. I'm pretty." Mostly, I'm just trying to make myself believe it. It appears a bit vain to them. They laugh.

It seems I've been glaring in contempt at my own reflection lately. In a different mirror of sorts, I look my sin dead in the eye every day and the image just keeps getting worse. I recently hurt someone who was quickly becoming one of the very last people I wanted to hurt. I realized I am failing to love my friends in distance as I loved them in close proximity. I am unfaithful in my work and selfish in my time. I have the nerve to figuratively tell God what He's doing is not right. I question His provision. The reflection is heinous.

If it were my choice, I'd rather look at that reality through some barely visible shards of glass. Pieced together in small doses. We try to make ourselves believe..."I'm not that bad." But the sad truth is, I haven't seen the entire depth of my sin. It seems to get progressively worse but I guess Gods faithfulness in holding that mirror up is just as progressive. I don't yet see the depth that I'm capable of, but somehow He makes the viewing bearable. The gospel, "the good news," is truly made real and alive again today. As it will be tomorrow and the next day and the day after that. And I will wake up and breathe by the grace of God and look to my redemption which is also progressive. Someday, I'll learn to be totally honest about what I see in the mirror. "Damn. I'm pretty" is probably getting old.

100 Things...

I started this blog a couple of years ago but I got bored with it. I am returning. Maybe my blogging will save some poor person from having to listen to me and it may be a healthy psychological outlet to keep me from snapping in traffic and rear-ending someone driving in the fast lane.
So... 100 things to know about me

100. I have road rage
99. I have a Jeep Cherokee that was paid off exactly 2 days ago
98. I have a house for sale in Winterville (anyone need a house?)
97. It has a front porch swing
96. That is one of the main reasons I bought it. I like to swing
95. I took dancing and acrobatic lessons for almost 10 years when I was young
94. I performed in my back yard for the neighbor kids
93. One time, I did a back flip off the neighbors pump house and busted my face
92. I still tap dance in the kitchen
91. I secretly want to be a singer
90. I hate J Lo (did you know she spent 150 grand on a jewel-encrusted toilet seat?)
89. I have a girl crush on Jennifer Garner
88. Alias is my favorite TV show of all time
87. Alias has warped my mind into thinking that if I'm ever attacked by a thief, a psycho, or a member of the KGB, I would in fact, be able to kick their ass
86. Thankfully, this has never happened
85. I went on an awesome date once to Navy Pier in Chicago
84. It was with a guy named Jeff
83. I spent the summer of '96 in Chicago
82. Jeff talked about Glacier National Park a lot
81. I have never been there. or to Yellowstone
80. I have also never been to Seattle
79. I want to go. Maybe because of Greys Anatony
78. I secretly believe I am smart enough to be a doctor
77. I am not
76. I hated school
75. I wrote my Sr English paper the period before it was due and I made the highest grade in my senior class
74. The paper was about Date Rape on college campuses and I made up the statistics
73. I became a christian in college
72. I still made up statistics for papers
71. I don't like asparagus
70. My favorite vegetable is those tiny LeSeuer peas in the silver can
69. I think I could eat mexican food every day
68. When I was eight, I went cross country to California and Las Vegas with my family in a Buick LeSabre
67. They let my brother fly
66. I am still secretly bitter they made me (the ADD child) ride for a week cramped between my Mama and Granny
65. My Daddy won $1500 in a slot machine on the way home
64. This was important
63. We were poor
62. Don't ask me how they afforded to go to Vegas
61. I went to the Bahamas last month with my brother Mitch
60. Mitch wanted to stay in the casino the entire time
59. I wanted to stay at the water park or in the ocean
58. I got mad at him and went snorkeling alone
57. I met the lifeguard
56. His name was Ednal
55. My great-grandmas name was Edna
54. My other great-grandmas name was Sadie
53. I named my dog after her
52. She used to make me liver pudding sandwiches (my great-grandma, not my dog)
51. My dog simply makes me angry
50. She is terribly cute though
49. We had a golden retriever named Lady when we were little
48. Someone poisioned her and she died.
47. My Daddy buried her in the woods and we made a cross to put on her grave
46. He never let us get another pet
45. My Dad has 2 Harley Davidson Motorcycles
44. He recently got a chocolate lab and named him Harley
43. It was my suggestion to name his dog after a motorcycle but now, I think it's a lame idea
42. I like shoes
41. and purses
40. I bought a rather authentic looking Fendi purse in a mall in Red Square in Moscow
39. I spent the summer of 1998 in Minsk, Belarus
38. While there, I was walking and talking to one of my friends, laughing, slipped on this huge marble staircase and fractured my foot
37. I was wearing Adidas flip flops
36. Damn Adidas flip flops
35. I had to go home early
34. On my way to Frankfurt, a flight attendant for Lufthansa had pity on me
33. She had a very attractive male flight attendant meet me at the gate in Frankfurt
32. He pushed me around the airport in a wheelchair, got me dinner and let me call my Grandparents from the captains club
31. I am now loyal to Lufthansa and Delta because of that
30. I wish I could speak Spanish
29. I have no desire to go to Mexico
28. I saw a slideshow of the Maldives Hilton and am now obsessed with going there
27. I say I'm obsessed a lot
26. Maybe it's because I have obsessive compulsive disorder
25. I wish I were OCD about being clean, but I'm not
24. My Mama is
23. She vacuums the floor obsessively
22. She has worked at Campbell Soup for 25 years
21. We ate soup a lot when I was a kid
20. My Mother is very pretty, with a native american background and dark skin
19. I look like my Daddy
18. His family is part-Irish
17. My parents were divorced when I was 11
18. I didn't see it coming
17. I think it affected me adversely as I always expect people to leave me
16. I have friends that are proving that wrong
15. I'm really glad God is so "long-suffering"
14. He "suffers" a lot from me
13. I am horribly flawed
12. I am addicted to lip gloss
11. I honestly believe one of my best qualities is my penmanship
10. I write almost exactly like my Mama. She says mine in better. It's not
9. My best friend at work (and co-trainer) is Stacey
8. Stacey and I joke that if we ever have an exceptionally crappy day, we are going to "fake a passing out." It makes us laugh
7. Today is exceptionally crappy. I am sure I could, quite convincingly, fake a passing out
6. I don't recall ever having passed out
5. It gets very hot in North Carolina
4. and I donate blood a lot
3. My blood type is 0+
2. I think that is a great type to have because I'm told it's a universal donor
1. I'm glad I can help